(I checked this square off my bingo card last time, but this new release arrived with perfect timing, so I'm doubling up.)
Ew, It's Beautiful is the newest collection of cartoonist Joshua Barkman's webcomic False Knees. It contains around 120 short comics, the majority of which were new to me, separated into sections for winter, spring, summer, and fall based on their setting.
The stars of False Knees are usually birds, but there are some cats, insects, and at least a couple of beavers in the mix here. Barkman's art is legitimately beautiful, with a naturalist's specificity and a knack for combining human expressions with realistic animal features, and his writing captures the universal experience of being a small creature in an unfathomably big world. It's full of absurd humour, occasional moments of awe, and recurring bits about the creative process, self-image, and the way friends or family can be on entirely different wavelengths. The comic is where I got my current default icon from, and it almost never fails to bring me a little joy or give me something to appreciate.
July 4th, 2025: For Canada Day I ate hot dogs and one (1) hamburger at a pool party and, at one point, even went into the basement to sit on a reclining chair and watch baseball with the dads! Dads love to watch baseball in the basement during social gatherings and I was invited into their circle!!
I'm a firm believer in celebrating just about everything with cake, and from the submissions you guys send in I'm clearly not the only one. However, there's celebrating, say, a new vasectomy or Daddy's parole, and then there's the stuff that some people might consider, well, inappropriate cake material.
Not me, of course. No sir! Heck, I say, you wanna get pregnant? Then SAY IT WITH CAKE:
Or you're happy you DIDN'T get pregnant? Say THAT with cake.
Let's say your friend Cory suffered a nasty seizure recently. That warrants a cookie cake, right?
(Remember, kids: It's "i before e except after c." Except in the word "seizure.")
And remember that time your friend lost a finger to the lawn mower? Just in case he doesn't, let's remind him! With cake!
I like how this is less a "get well" cake, and more an "IN YOUR FACE!With love from the Lawn Mower" cake.
Driving while intoxicated is a serious crime, so be sure to tell your friends you won't stand for such behavior. Also with cake.
I like to imagine the candles are mini breathalyzers.
(How cool would that invention be? Right? I'll make millions. MILLIONS, I say!)
The world is too success-oriented. We should be sending a better message to younger generations. A message that says, "Hey, no matter what, at least you'll get a cake out of this."
Dangit. Why don't I know any lady farmers to give this to? WHY?!
(PS - You misspelled "Awesome." But I'll let it slide, because melons.)
And finally, my favorite:
Hang on... we get cake for that?
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!
Thanks to Anony M., Katelyn, KG, Paul S., Paige S., April B., & Stephanie K. for the inspiration.
*****
P.S. That reminds me of my Wonder Womb DIY, but if you're not feeling crafty you can buy this!
A former co-worker called me last week. We were...work friends. We never socialized outside of work. She left the company before I did and moved to Ohio; she'd call me occasionally to talk.
She's one of those people who 1) thinks she's knows everything and 2) makes everything about her. The last time she called before this most recent one was probably 18 months ago. She asked so I was trying to tell her about everything I was going through with my father. Her response was to tell me not to trust doctors and do some woo-woo shit. Then going on about how terrible her life is. Then she started in on how she wanted to move back up here and she needed people to help her.
This time I told her dad had passed. She started with how she knows how hard that is. Her mother died (so did mine). Her brother died (so did mine). Then she started with how the landlord and other tenants were harassing her. Playing loud music ALL THE TIME (except for when she was on he phone with me.) And somehow causing electro-magnetic interference that destroyed her phone and that she could feel and measure. Again she told me how she wanted to move back and needed help. I basically just hmm'd in response to everything she said.
She's called twice more. First early Monday morning (I didn't answer) asking me to call someone in government to help her. How I, in MA, was going to do that, I don't know, considering I only know she lives in Ohio somewhere. And again a half hour ago (didn't answer) telling me she was being evicted. The other tenants were sending electrical shocks through the floor. She needed help to move. She has two kids in their early to mid twenties. Her oldest got married and moved to Finland. The other one lives with her.
I think she thinks I'll say "Hey, no problem. I'll help you move and you can stay with me." Nope. Ain't gonna happen. I can't block her because the phone number she has for me is a landline. Honestly it sounds likes she's in the middle of a mental health crisis. But there's really not much I can do about that. /venting
My favorite part is how it's written BELOW the picture.
I almost want this baker to be color blind, just so they have *some* excuse.
Fortunately the baker of this wedding cake followed instructions literally:
See? She *did* write it!
Thanks to Robert B., Tenae Z. & Kate L. for falling victim to one the classic blunders. Just remember, guys: never go against a Simpleton when CAKE is on the line! HAHA HA HAHAH AHAH HA... [thud]
Oops.
*****
P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as ridiculous as these cakes:
Last night I watched a cute movie on Netflix called Nonnas about that restaurant on Staten Island that hires grandmas as chefs. Lorraine Bracco, Brenda Vaccaro, Talia Shire, and Susan Sarandon play the nonnas, and Vince Vaughn plays the guy opening the restaurant. It's kind of a nice mellow detox from The Bear in terms of a bunch of Italian-Americans yelling at each other in a restaurant kitchen. *g* Plus a really horrifying rendition of capuzelle, which is a roasted (or baked?) sheep's head, which is one of those dishes I try to forget knowing about. Anyway, the restaurant still exists, and now it has grandmas from all different backgrounds who cook there (a review of the real restaurant).
Today was my Monday, and tomorrow is my Friday at work. I could get used to a 2 day work week!
*
Current Mood:sleepy
Current Music:Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
I just realized that the term "nailed it!" can have two meanings. Well, three. But despite my naughty word outburst yesterday, this IS still a mostly family-friendly establishment, and the third meaning is a little TOO family-friendly, IF you KNOW what I'm SAYING.
Sorry, my caps lock HAS DEVELOPED A MIND of its OWN.
AND I'VE ALSO BEEN DRINKING.
Where was I?
No, I mean yesterday: where was I? Because I'm guessing these feathers came from somewhere.
Perhaps I should start again.
So. "Nailed it." It can mean, "What ho! I have successfully accomplished my intended endeavor!" *OR* it can mean you hit something with your car.
Pay attention now, because this is a very long setup for a very flat punchline:
NAILED IT.
THANKS TO ANN LEE, who I'm hoping can tell me what kind of bird sheds strawberry-scented feathers. And glitter. And...oh. Waaaaiiit....
*****
"What do you need a 5 pack of assorted body glitters for?"
Day by Day by surprisepink Fandom: Our Flag Means Death Ship: Stede Bonnet/Izzy Hands Medium: Fic Length: 1361 words Rating: Teen My Bookmark Tags: slice of life, romance, humour, happy ending, established relationship, izzy lives, future, flirtation, compatibility, service Summary: A typical raid for Captain Bonnet and his new first mate.
Excerpt:
“I’m getting the hang of this, if I do say so myself,” says Stede, cheerily.
“And you do.”
“What’s that, Izzy?’
“Say so yourself.” The man looks entirely unimpressed, but it does take a lot to impress Izzy. Stede has accepted it by this point, and knows not to take it personally. Knows, too, that if Izzy actually wasn’t at least a little happy with him, he could leave the ship just about anywhere and find another pirate crew to join. And yet, port after port, he doesn’t.
And all Stede had ever wanted was for people to stay.
This is everything I love about the idea of Stede and Izzy together on the Revenge, with Stede captaining and Izzy serving as his first mate. The way they rile each other up is perfect, tempered to just the right heat by a better understanding of each other. Izzy's ways of trying to serve Stede while keeping his ego in check are moving, and so is Stede's growing sense of what he's doing and what it means.
The story's funny, with a comedic moment early on that made me laugh out loud, and the sexual chemistry between Stede and Izzy absolutely crackles. This one really made my day.
Title: (I'm supposed to win!) I already decided! Credit to:ceu Base style: Bases (Tropical) Type: CSS Best resolution: 1200x800 | Desktop only Tested in: Google Chrome, Safari, Firefox Features: Two column, fixed width, supports only custom text & navigation, custom background
Blood of the Covenant by Chemical_Processes Working as a street fighter in the Iceberg lounge, Jason manages to attract all the wrong sort of attention. Tense, believable AU where Jason never becomes Robin but eventually gets tangled up in Bat business anyway.
Can't Raise Hell as a Saint by historical_allusions When an adult Jason Todd is thrown into the past, he must balance raising his childhood self with reinventing his vigilante personae, all without revealing his knowledge of the future...
A task made infinitely more difficult when he starts changing things in the past and attracts the attention of a young Batman and Robin. Compelling time travel adventure for Jason.
Damian's Secret Friend by LakeAwen 5 times Damian's family panicked over him sneaking out, and 1 time they found out who he was meeting. Oh heart.
Tim thought everything was getting back to normal. Bruce was alive and back in their timeline, the Birds of Prey were once again operating out of Gotham, Dick had the city well under control as Batman and even Damian had been less obnoxious than usual.
And then during a firefight at a warehouse by the docks, Tim was almost hit by a flying boomerang. And Dick never noticed.
When something is wrong with your big brother, who else do you turn to but your big sisters? Interesting casefic with real emotional stakes, plus the Birds of Prey!
Purr-ple Power by Cephalogod In which Batman thoroughly rejects young Stephanie Brown's attempts to join the vigilante lifestyle, but Catwoman is much more willing to take on a protege.
Especially a protege with a demonstrated talent for getting under Batman's skin.
The Bats aren't going to know what hit them. This series is super cute!
The Right Substitution is Key by AddictedApple When Batman and Nightwing disappear, Tim recruits up and coming crime lord Red Hood to fill in as Batman. Hijinks ensue. This is a lot of fun.
The Road to Recovery. by orpheusaki I enjoyed these two (unconnected?) stories of Bruce and Jason reconciling and getting to know each other again.
Rotten Work by ManURonaldo Dick is supposed to be on a boring stakeout assignment. Jason complicates that. <333
Shortcut to Maturity by Isonian Jason is just trying to survive on the streets of Gotham--made slightly more difficult by the fact that some gang has apparently decided to make him their most wanted person. Until he befriends a kid-who-definitely-isn't-Robin, who promises to help him reunite with his dad. And, well, Jason's not in the habit of accepting favors. But maybe it would be worth it, just this once.
Featuring ghosts or zombies or hallucinations, misunderstandings (both unintentional and entirely intentional), lots of identity shenanigans, and some discussion of dads. I really enjoyed this team-up between feral street kid Jason and hiding-he's-Robin Tim!
A Tale of Two Memoirs by goldenraeofsun Batman's tell-all memoir is about to publish. Normally, Bruce wouldn't care about the 100th Batman parody to hit the shelves. But when he gets his hands on an early sample, he finds this memoir contains a troubling amount of truth about him and his family.
Bruce can't let this stand. As he knows better than most, the only way to squash a scandal is to create an even bigger scandal. Dominate the news circuit. Take up all the publisher's publicity resources. Sure, he has never written a book before, but how hard can it really be?
Well, as Clark tells him, those are some famous last words, Bruce. Oh my heart...
Third Robin Tales by weekend_conspiracy_theorist Currently a series of semi-connected scenes within a world where Bruce encountered Stephanie as Spoiler before Tim decided that if no one else was going to be Robin, then he had to. Tim and Steph found each other anyway. This AU is a lot of fun, with excellent Steph & Tim interaction.
two can keep a secret by carolinaa Steph doesn't tell anybody that her mom died. Everyone's always bitching and moaning about cleaning up her messes, so Steph handles this one all on her own.
No problem. Ouch. Oh Steph...
✭
Current Mood:amused
Current Music:I'd drive all night just to get back home
Can I Write 'Tried to Rob Tony Stark' On My Resume? by hyperInactive Percy was at least happy that this wasn't a prophecy. Stealing back some demigod weapons from a mortal? Sure, Iron Man was a superhero and a genius, but after dealing with Gaea, that was nothing. They just had to steer clear of anyone who might recognize them, and they were positive that they could pull it off easier than most of their quests. And potentially land Leo a job, while they're at it.
But Percy should have known better. Nothing is ever that simple for a demigod. This is a lot of fun!
[Note: Today's post contains a mildly bad word, because I put it in to make John laugh and then he said it was too funny to take out. Please parent accordingly.]
According to Urban Dictionary, a unicorn chaser is anything that "serves as a cleansing of the palate after a viewer has been subjected to a distasteful internet image or experience." If you've ever mistakenly clicked a link that showed you something really disgusting, like clown porn or those prairie dresses from Target, then you know what I'm talking about.
You used to be able to buy a Unicorn Chaser from ThinkGeek (RIP), thought they never mentioned what it tasted like. I'm guessing moonbeams and Oreo filling, because I can't imagine anything that tastes better than that, except maybe Oreo filling without the moonbeams. But it might taste like green Skittles, which would be disgusting, and then you'd need another chaser for your Unicorn chaser. Which would be both sad and kind of filling.
Look, my point is that these clouds look like shit:
No, wait. That wasn't my point at all.
My point is, Unicorn horns: Do they really need a point?
Or can they just be a giant lump like a cartoon head injury? Or a large pile of bird doo-doo?
And do unicorns need heads, or can they just puke rainbows directly out of their necks?
Assuming they still have a horn jammed in there somewhere, I mean?
True Story: As I was typing "do unicorns need heads" just now, I could totally hear one of you saying, "Why would a unicorn need a bathroom at sea?" And I was all, "WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE QUESTION, IMAGINARY WISE-GUY READER." And then you were all, "Gee, sorry," and I was able to move on after eating a spoonful of Oreo filling for recovery purposes.
This unicorn-pooping-cupcakes cake is adorable, and I won't have any of you speaking a WORD against it.
Unless you want to comment on the wonky elongated nipple/leg. That I'd be ok with.
And finally, you know how when you visit a friend or relative, and you break something, and you just lay the broken bits down like they're not broken and hope nobody notices until a few days after you leave? No?
Ok, how about this:
You know how when you can't get a cake unicorn head to stand up on its own, so you just break it off and plop it back down on the body at an unnatural angle and pretend it's supposed to look like that?
o.0
[backing away slowly]
If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here eating Oreo fillings in the moonlight. Just as soon as I find a picture of the moon for my computer screen.
Hey Laura B., Andrea & Anne Marie, Joshanna R., Robin E., & Samantha S. - why the long face and creepy demon eyes?
*****
P.S. Oh! For you minions who have both a pool and a sense of style: